A smart lady confused with her gender identity

The British tourist John Gray became curious as he saw the huge crowd dressed in traditional white gathered at the feast of Our Lady at Vallarpadam. Some distance away from him in the crowd he noticed a differently dressed woman of good personage moving with grace and ease. She was conspicuous in the crowd for her colourful costume and her confident mien.

The young man noticed her glance casually falling on his local guide and all of a sudden getting fixated on him. The next moment he saw her hurrying towards him pushing through the thick crowd and warmly hugging him, as one would do when unexpectedly reunited with a long lost friend. Was she an ardent lover of his at one time, stubbornly keeping her love aflame all those missing years, so it could spontaneously rekindle now and lead to such a daring act in the open in that ultra-conservative environment?

The Englishman could not believe his eyes at what he saw next. His startled friend recoiled in horror as if embraced by a vampire! “Why, why, why this, Mathootty Chettan?” exclaimed the woman in agitated astonishment. She looked around and saw all eyes upon her. “Oh, Chettan, you are a man of character. And I have always trusted you. Yet even you are afraid of being shamed in public now because of me? But you know very well that even the Holy See has decreed that I am not a woman and that the Curia has annulled my marriage?”

 “Martha, but you are dressed as a female; and you look every inch a beautiful woman, especially in your fashionable Bombay dress! The whole crowd has witnessed your audacious act. They are not acquainted with facts about you and about your intentions! …. For them your behavior is outlandish. You are some kind of a foreigner for them… And now it won’t take much time for the news to reach Thresiamma’s ears! And you know her tempers. Even if the Pope himself were to personally call on her and make an ex-cathedra pronouncement that you are not a female, she won’t believe. Even as things stand, she has not forgiven me for the little role I had played in helping Thomas get his marriage with you annulled. She voices her suspicion from time to time that I helped him with you in view!!”

 “This is my fate!” Martha exclaimed. “After the ecclesiastical annulment of my marriage, which was none of my fault, everyone is giving me a short shrift. Priests and nuns turn their faces from me. Even Sr. Teresa, my only sibling, has asked me not to visit her at the convent. My friends are ashamed of me. And now, even the one person who has always been a true friend in need is turning his face away from me …. Strange, the only ones who are now cozying up with me are some of my relatives who have an eye on my inheritance. Of course I have God with me. And as you know I am not one to be cowed down so easily. I’ll live as I am.”

The Englishman was intrigued, “Sir, it seems this gracious lady has many things to share with you. But obviously this is not the right place for that, with the whole crowd becoming overly nosy about her. May I therefore suggest a meeting at my guest house? Would she agree to come to see you there?”

Martha eagerly welcomed the proposal.

“By the way, Madam, I am John Gray, from Liverpool, mainly on a sentimental trip here. My grandfather breathed his last in Cochin. That was twenty years ago, in 1899 to be precise. I was ten at that time. He was buried in the Dutch cemetery here. My uncle Robert Gray too was here for some years as an English teacher. Mr. Mathootty was his favourite student. Uncle has commended me to his ‘care’ while in Cochin…. Glad to meet you, Madam.”

None of the onlookers would have understood what they were talking. English education had not become common in this part of the country. Mathootty was an exception. He was a matriculate. Martha had been brought up in Bombay. And now she was teaching there at a convent school.

Mathootty and his friend walked back to the guest house. On the way John Gray seemed eager to know about Martha. “The lady appears to me an intensely female person. It is difficult to believe the Church has pronounced such a scandalous verdict about her.”

Mathootty began in right earnest to acquaint his friend with Martha’s background.

Yes, Martha was an intense character

Years later, Mathootty would narrate Martha’s story to his favourite grandnephew Thomas Kutty.  He said, “TK, you must have heard about your Grandfather’s estranged cousin Thomas. He was the first ever lawyer from our family and the first from our place to practice at the Madras High Court.”

“Sure, Uncle. I have heard about him. He married a bright young lady born and brought up in Bombay. Grandmother used to say that this Bombay lady was a very cheerful person and every one in the family liked her and some even adored her. But something went wrong in the early days of their marriage, and the uncle left for Madras without taking her with him. Then they heard that he was seeking a divorce. His parents and every one in the family were shocked. Much against their insistence the uncle went ahead and got a divorce. No one in the family has ever seen him after that. He might have married some local woman and settled in Madras. That is all that I have heard about that mysterious uncle. Is the story true, Uncle?”

Mathootty said, “Yes, TK, true. The lady whom Thomas married was a very special person. Martha was her name. Full of life and infectious cheer. She was loved by every one in our family circle as your grandmother told you. She brightened up the lives of the young and old alike right from the day she set foot in our place. She was a surprise visitor, unknown to us till that time. And she was just ten years old then.”

TK interjected, “So, your cousin had known her before his marriage? If so, it must have been a love marriage and it naturally ended in disillusionment and divorce! Unheard of in our culture! A double blow to the family’s honour!”

“No, TK, theirs was an arranged marriage. And don’t be sarcastic. Love marriages do not always end in divorce”

“But how she happened to visit our family as a young girl, Uncle? Were they family friends?”

Destiny brings the families together

“Well, it was under fortuitous circumstances that Martha happened to visit Thomas’ house. It all began with an emergency treatment administered by his father to an elderly pilgrim who had come to attend the night-long bhajana (vigil) at Vallarpadam.  As an ayurveda physician, Uncle Lonan used to do voluntary service at Vallarpadam every year during festival season. And almost always he was accompanied by some of us from the family. For Thresiamma and me it was the first feast there after our marriage. So, we both of us were there. She joined the bhajana and I as usual joined Uncle’s medical services team.

“That fateful evening around sunset we heard a woman screaming with pain. The sound came from a houseboat anchored in front of the Church. We immediately went in to see. An elderly woman was having acute abdominal pain. Others in the houseboat helplessly watched. Uncle Lonan could see at first glance that it was a case of gastric pain that could be cured with ‘gas tablets’ (antacid). But our stock had been exhausted. Accompanied by me and the senior maid Anna, Uncle went to a nearby houseboat and borrowed from them a pinch of rice flour and a little salt. He mixed them with a drop of water and rolled it into one or two pills and returned to the patient. With all the gravity of a high priest, he faced the lady and said:

‘Madam, this is a sacred ottamooli formulated by ancient sages and secretly passed on from generation to generation. Close your eyes and accept this miraculous medicine. Swallow it in with this ginger juice. Don’t spill even one drop of the juice, and don’t allow your teeth to touch the ottamooli and desecrate it. And don’t crush it in your mouth. Simply swallow it!’

“Uncle Lonan and his team left the cabin, entrusting the patient to the care of his able lieutenant Anna. She was a born nurse with wonderful bedside manners. In a few minutes the patient sat up with no pain troubling her. The lady immediately went to join the bhajana after instructing her son to suitably reward the Vaidyar (physician). Her men went in search of the Vaidyar and found him away in the crowd with his team. When approached, Uncle said he didn’t look for any material compensation; a ‘thank you’ would do. The lady’s people were impressed. They exchanged their addresses and left.”

TK was wonderstruck at the presence of mind and the wit with which Thomas’ father instantly choreographed and enacted that audacious placebo drama.

And he was growing inquisitive, “But how does Martha come in the picture?”

Martha enters the scene

Mathootty narrated the episode at some length, “Uncle Lonan and his family had a few surprise visitors next week. A large houseboat was slowly coming in the direction of their waterfront house. It gracefully anchored at their family jetty. Some ten people alighted from the boat led by a matronly lady. Uncle instantly recognized her as the one he had cured of stomach ache at the feast. Her son was with her. Then came out a well dressed young man who might have been another son of the lady, followed by a sprightly girl of 10/12 in western dress. Servants began unloading baskets containing home-grown fruits and vegetables, obviously brought as a token of gratitude for the Vaidyar’s timely medical attention. Uncle’s wife Kunjamma was totally taken by surprise. She was in the dark about her husband’s placebo adventure at the feast. The maid Anna called her aside and discreetly apprised her of the matter.

“Uncle immediately sent for me and Thresiamma to keep company with the guests.

“Thresiamma noticed Aunt Kunjamma eyeing the young girl with curiosity. The girl introduced herself as Martha, and instantly ran towards the nearby jampa (rose apple tree). With unconcealed excitement she climbed the tree and plucked a few fruits and merrily ate them.

“Her grandmother said the ‘poor girl’ had lost her mother in her childhood. And, as a Bombay girl without the protection of a mother-figure, she was growing up as a free spirited daredevil, yet very loving and always cheerful. ‘I have never seen her angry or moody.’ Her father proudly announced that Martha was so brilliant at school that she was awarded an extra promotion the previous year. He added that she spoke English better than himself.

“Aunt Kunjamma glanced at her teenage son Thomas leaning against the nearby wall. He took the hint and introduced himself. His mother said he too had a double promotion while at the primary level, and now he was in the final year in the High School. He had higher studies in mind after his matriculation. Martha made an attempt at conversing with him; but the conversation did not go beyond a few words of courtesy. He seemed to be of a reserved nature.

“Then I took over. Martha instantly warmed up to me and Thresiamma. And we became her best friends in the household along with Thomas’ mother Kunjamma and the smart maid Anna.

“Martha visited us again during summer vacation a couple of years later. She was accompanied by her grandmother, uncle and his wife and a few servants. She seemed to have suddenly grown into an attractive young woman. Yet she moved around and climbed trees as a lass with virgin liberty. She saw Anna milking Karthi the cow. Karthi was a magnificent specimen of her kind, healthy and majestic. Martha on an impulse tried her hand at milking her. Karthi lifted her left hind leg to kick, but Martha instantly sprang away. She fell into my arms and I steadied her. From that time on Thresiamma had never been comfortable whenever Martha was near me.

“From Karthi, Martha straightaway went to see Kunjamma in her room. She was mending cloth. On the floor nearby sat Anna engaged in a similar task. By then Kunjamma had heard about her Karthi adventure and cautioned her against such daring acts. Then she looked at Martha’s bare earlobes and observed that girls should pierce their ears in time. Her grandmother joined now. She said with a tinge of criticism in her voice that Bombay girls didn’t follow our time-honoured traditions. She said by the age of ten all our girls would have pierced their earlobes, for a mekka mothiram (heavy ring) on the upper lobe and for stretching the lower lobe down to the shoulders. It would no doubt be a traumatic experience, the pain lasting for months. But that makes her a woman. And she acquires tolerance to withstand painful experiences like the more painful childbirth.

“Martha sat unconcerned. She eventually said she was ready for piercing her lower lobe for a light ring. ‘Let us visit a goldsmith immediately,’ she said. ‘But you have to cross the backwaters to visit the nearest goldsmith. Are you ready to go to him now?’ asked Kunjamma.

“Anna intervened, ‘Why a goldsmith for such a very minor piercing, Thampuratti (royal lady)? I can do it right now with my stitching needle!’ Anna sought permission to do it herself.

“Martha took it as a challenge. Anna straightaway approached her with the needle and placed it on her right earlobe. She pressed it tentatively, and seeing no reaction from the girl, suddenly pierced it. Martha sat unmoved while the elder ladies gasped. Martha then showed her left ear and the action was repeated. The onlookers were impressed that steel met steel. Matching characters. From that day Anna became a trusting mother-figure for Martha

“When they heard about this feat, the men folk in the family and in the neighbourhood were greatly impressed about the girl. They looked at her with a new respect. A blossoming lady with character.

“That day Martha became a full member of the family. Uncle Lonan and Aunt Kunjamma proudly regarded her as their most favourite child.”

Martha and Thomas marry

“Thus the families became close to each other. They would spend vacations in each others place, and consult each other on important developments in their families such as marriages of their kith and kin. Uncle’s placebo treatment was almost forgotten as their relationship was now on the firm foundation of friendship and mutual regard. And Martha gave colour to that relationship.

“It was when we were on a vacation to Martha’s place that Kunjamma proposed her son Thomas for her. Both were intelligent and smart, educated in modern schools and were ambitious in their own separate ways. Martha, in addition, was a loving, domestic person, capable of raising a cheerful, responsible family. Thomas could not aspire to have a better partner. Both the families whole-heartedly supported the idea. But Martha’s father wrote from Bombay that his daughter was keen on studying further for a teaching vocation. So, wait until she was around nineteen. On the other hand, Thomas was ambitious as a prospective lawyer and would not admit of any distractions till he was twenty five. The elders were not amused but had to go by their children’s wishes.

“The elders on both sides were aware that I was in regular touch with both Martha and Thomas. Martha’s letters were always witty and loving containing references and enquiries about every one at home including Thresiamma, Anna, Aunt Kunjamma, Uncle Lonan, Karthi the cow and the jampa tree. I would read them out to them and translate and explain. In fact, they were all looking forward to the arrival of her letters addressed to me. So, the elders on both sides hoped I could persuade them both to change their mind and agree to an earlier marriage. I wrote to them both, but neither of them budged.

“And, finally, when he was twenty-five and she twenty, they were wed. I had never seen Uncle Lonan and Aunt Kunjamma happier, rejoicing more. Martha was not a playful kid anymore. She had become a mature, responsible woman.

And then comes the disaster

“Within a few days after their marriage the unexpected happened. Thomas wanted to divorce her. Every one in the family was stunned. Martha was the only one to keep her equanimity. Her cherubic smile and fortitude held the family together in that crisis. Her father came down from Bombay and took her with him. She wrote to me later that she got re-employed at the convent school where she was teaching.”

“But what was the reason for such an abrupt divorce, Uncle?” TK inquired.

“Well, my cousin didn’t take the family into confidence. Martha expressed her innocence. Thomas by nature was a reserved person, the very opposite of Martha. And he might have thought that sharing of the issue might even worsen matters. But soon he sought my help in collecting certain crucial documents for making his petition to the civil court for annulment of the marriage. He confided to me that Martha was not a female and that the marriage was a mistake. He wanted me to convince her father about the pointlessness in continuing with the farce of marriage. And I must persuade her to obtain a medical certificate and get her consent for the proposed annulment!”

Thomas Kutty interrupted, “But, Uncle, that is strange! I have never heard such a thing. If what Uncle Thomas alleged was true, then the question is: how she was brought up as a girl? And how her father consented to such a marriage? Really strange! Unbelievable!!”

“Hold your disbelief for a while. Thomas urgently wanted me to help him by acting as the go between.”

TK said, “And he burdened you with an onerous and embarrassing task. Obviously he took you as his best and most reliable friend, as the most efficient person he could trust for that difficult task. And you must have been quite young at that time.”

“Well, I was thirty. Yes; the task assigned to me was difficult. Thomas’ letter was in English and none in his family could read it. That made my task easy. I could explain things to them gradually, in my own way. The first person I chose to disclose it was my wife Thresiamma. As apprehended, she made much hue and cry. She had the suspicion for long that I had some interest in Martha, and that it was due to my machinations that their marriage got into trouble. Her suspicion was exasperating. Yet I had no alternative but to go ahead. Soon I broke the news to his parents before contacting Martha and her father.”

TK wondered, “But you said all these developments had taken place within days after their marriage; so it is difficult to see how you or anyone had the time to interfere with their marriage.”

Mathootty said, “Martha was a familiar figure in the family from the time she was in her pre-teens. And, as a modern girl, very lively, highly sociable and very articulate, she was often seen spending time with me because I could communicate with her at her level in English. Thomas too was good at English but rather inwardly-directed, and Martha conversed more with me. She would write to me friendly letters from Bombay and send greeting cards to Thresiamma. This was common knowledge in the family circle. Thresiamma basically liked the girl, but was not exactly comfortable with my being near her.”

Mathootty continued, “The most difficult part of the job was to break the news to Thomas’ father Lonan. I thought his heart would break. His mother fainted and fell to the ground. His shocked siblings were crestfallen and sat with faces downcast. A scandal would soon explode in the family of an unheard-of magnitude.  They were not confident how they could henceforth face their friends and relatives! Married sisters were particularly vulnerable. They would be teased and taunted in their husbands’ families. Uncle Lonan lamented, ‘How irresponsible is my son Thomas! Education has not given him the benefit of common sense or loyalty to the family. The money spent on his education was a waste. He has given me nothing in return except a scandal in the family. And what will happen to our dear Martha! Poor girl!’

“Now, TK, remember, this happened fifty years ago. We are in 1959 now. Social mores have undergone a sea change during this period. We are now increasingly copying western culture. Yet, mercifully, we are still untouched by social evils like divorce. Divorce cases we hear about once in a while these days fill our mouths with bitterness. So how much worse it must have been in those ultra-conservative days when Thomas sought a permanent separation from his newly married wife!

“The old man badly needed solace and guidance from someone. He approached the Parish Priest. The PP launched into his standard sermon. Marriages are made in Heaven, and what God had put together let no man put asunder. He insisted that, notwithstanding the allegation about the bride, she was the partner chosen by God for Thomas, and that divorce meant rebellion against His will and against the holy sacrament of matrimony.

“Uncle sent a long letter admonishing his son and reminding him of his Christian charity, morality and duty to one’s family. His siblings and cousins wrote to him about the scandal that would engulf the family as a consequence of divorce and imploring him to desist from proceeding with the proposal. Thomas’ reply was a curt ‘no’. He said he was not willing to sacrifice his life for the family’s false sense of honour. And that was the end of his connection with the family.

“I must tell you, TK, that Thomas’ personal letter to me had left me with no doubt about his resolve. Hence, without waiting for the outcome of his parental admonitions, I set to work on the task assigned to me. I wrote a detailed letter explaining the situation to Martha and her father. As apprehended, her father was grossly upset. But Martha stood her ground. It had never crossed her mind even in her dreams that she could be less than female. And if she was not a female, no woman living or dead deserved to be a female. She decided to see a doctor. With a medical certificate she would confront her husband. But the results came to her as a bolt from the blue. She was shocked for the first time in her life. Then she consulted another doctor, with the same results. I have still with me the letter she wrote to me after that.

“Martha had written that she was convinced now she could never function as a female. The world around her suddenly changed. And she took the firm decision to help herself and help Thomas by agreeing to the annulment of their marriage as demanded by him. She approached a government hospital and obtained a certificate about her gender confusion. The certificate and her consent letter were attached to the letter addressed to me.”

Mathootty continued, “Thomas got his marriage annulled in the civil court on the strength of the documents provided by her. He then married a Madrasi girl. It was a ‘civil marriage’. That marriage, Martha wrote to me later, had helped generate much sympathy for her in the convent school. They thought he cheated her for his lover’s sake!”

TK asked, “Were you in touch with her even after the annulment of her marriage?”

Mathootty said, “Yes, we were. You see, my wife Thresiamma and I were acquainted with her from the time she was ten. So our goodwill and friendship naturally survived the annulment of her marriage. Also, Thomas’ parents felt personally guilty of bringing the misfortune on her. And hence they were particular that the family should continue to morally support her. So they encouraged me to be in touch with her on their behalf.”

Church annulment comes as an unexpected blow

Mathootty continued, “She was quite happy with her teaching career. Her students adored her. But when the now-forgotten civil annulment of her marriage was followed by ecclesiastical annulment ten years later, things turned serious. This was a totally unexpected development. She now realized that Thomas had worked for it all those years behind her back. The nuns instantly changed their attitude towards her. Martha became an untouchable overnight. She was given no quarter and was forced to resign from her job. They thought her continued presence would scandalize the school. Such was the social and moral context of those days.”

Thomas Kutty felt sorry for her, “That must have come to her as a big blow, causing perhaps the worst crisis in her life. How did she manage the situation, Uncle?”

“Well, her father was no more by then. She had lost her mother in her childhood. Her only sibling was a nun. After the ecclesiastical annulment of her marriage, even she disowned her and forbade her from entering her convent. And now she felt orphaned for the first time, even more so when she noticed her friends were avoiding her. Financially she was well off with her inheritance. But she needed a time-out now for collecting herself and steadying her mind. She decided to return to her roots, and went back to the village where her father owned a farm house surrounded by coconut trees and paddy fields. Her uncles and cousins lived in the area and she was looking forward to a comforting hand from her close relatives. But her experience turned out to be one of bitterness. Friends and relatives were avoiding her. And those who were looking after her estate in her absence were visibly upset when she returned.”

And then the life-changing encounter

Mathootty continued, “Then, we had an unexpected encounter. She had come to pray at Vallarpadam. It was the festival season. There I was present in the crowd with a foreign friend. It was she who spotted me and rushed to me. We arranged a meeting at my friend’s guest house in Fort Cochin. And there we had a detailed chat. She said she had come to spend some time at her ancestral house to unwind before deciding upon what to do next. She was thirty then, at the prime of her life. Strangely, she looked more feminine and more charming than ever. My friend – he was an Englishman called John Gray, on a brief vacation - was impressed. John suggested another meeting with the delightful lady, especially because she spoke witty and delightful English and there was something more in her that fascinated him.”

TK was becoming curious and inquisitive, “But, was he fully aware of her history and background? I mean her gender dilemma?”

“Yes, he was. And he wanted to know more about her. So he invited her again and again during the rest of his vacation, and they were going out together as twosome. In that process she virtually took over my assigned role as his local guide. What transpired between them, I would never know. One day he suggested that Martha would benefit from a change of environment, away from her friends and relatives. It might help her regain composure.  And what better place could he suggest than his own native England! She was thrilled. I was a bit apprehensive about how it would eventually work out for her.”

“Uncle, I am able to appreciate the situation.  The lady Martha was free. She didn’t have to seek anyone’s consent for accepting the invitation,” TK ventured to say.

Mathootty said, “Yes. And together they left Cochin at the end of his short vacation. They went by train to Bombay and from there they proceeded by ship. The journey to Liverpool took about three months. On the way they briefly halted at port cities such as Alexandria, Naples, Barcelona and Gibraltar. I have preserved the letters they sent me from these places.”

Mathootty continued, “I was apprehensive of the kind of relationship that was developing between them. John Gray was fully aware of her situation. The medical reports said she was not a female. To him, though, her form, style and behavior were very feminine. As for Martha, she was painfully conscious of her confused identity. Her marriage was a particularly bad experience. Should she not therefore be cautious of this emerging friendship? Or, was I imagining things?”

“Uncle, I am tempted to believe you were imagining things, because you might have developed some sense of possessiveness about her! You took yourself to be a kind of big brother to her, as the only person in the world responsible for her safety.”

Martha and John Gray get married

Mathootty asked him to hold his temptation to jump into conclusions, “From his letter from Liverpool it was clear that he didn’t trust the medical reports from Bombay hospitals. He instinctively saw a very female person in her. There was a strange inconsistency between the medical reports and her essentially female personality and behavior. He persuaded Martha to submit herself to a medical test under the supervision of a then-well-known gynecologist in London. Together they went there. The test was conducted. The result excited John; Martha was skeptic. A second opinion was sought. It supported the findings of the previous test. The doctor suggested a surgery. John’s excitement hit the roof; and Martha submitted herself to God. The surgery was duly performed, and she was in the hospital for over two months. After being relieved, she was regularly consulting the doctor for about a year or so. Then the doctor gave them the go-ahead signal. And they got married. They were both about 32 years of age   at that time.”

“Oh!” TK could not believe his ears. “I was mentally preparing myself to hear something tragic at the end. How relieved I feel now! Unbelievable!”

Mathootty said, “You see, Martha was a strong character with a cheerful temperament. Misfortunes may come in the way, but such characters would refuse to be subdued. Remember how she kept her cool when Thomas shamed her. She consoled his parents instead of seeking to be consoled. She was intensely feminine for the infatuated John Gray, but soon he must have realized that she was greatly more than that. She was an intense human being, essentially a domestic person. Martha had a highly developed people sense, and was very popular among those who came into contact with her. Even Thresiamma trusted her, although she didn’t trust me.”

Mathootty continued, “Within a year, John and Martha had a gift from God. It was a boy. By way of honouring me, John named him Matthew. The second child was born a couple of years later. She was given the middle name Vallarpadam. The third was named Elizabeth in memory of John’s late mother.”

He continued, “We were in touch for the next two decades.  They had a happy family life. Their teenager son Matthew once expressed the desire to visit Cochin. The family was ready for a journey. But then there was bereavement in the family. John lost his uncle Robert Gray. The visit was called off. It was in 1939. The Second World War was brewing. I received just one letter from them in that troubled period. It was to be their last letter to me. Three of my subsequent letters went unanswered. Did something happen to them, especially during the Battle of Britain? Now, nearly twenty years later it is difficult for a person of my age with limited means to entertain any hope of tracing them. They have faded away from the horizon. And I haven’t found a way to enquire. A saga is over for me.”

TK sympathized with his granduncle. He was speechless….

K X M John

28/06/2012